will power

i am doing a thing i cannot stop

i move closer to your little face

and lean down

and sniff

i am walking out 

i stare back 

i feel nothing, i wonder if they know, i feel a little more

a little more like i am missing

something 

that they all have

and they can see the hole 

or slight slope 

like a ditch 

i don’t want to go home

i ask to be driven home 

but I want to be driven out into a field 

and left in the dark  

to find my own way back

i walk for a long time 

without seeing anything but the stars 

and patches of streaking light

that have followed me around

ever since I did that one thing

i get back, eventually 

everything moved without me

or

everything is happening

in relation to me

and i am not doing 

what you want me to be doing 

i am not doing

enough to make you happy

what makes me happy is 

thinking about you tucked in bed

safe and warm 

without me 

because i’m out 

finding the angle at which 

the sun moved 

in relation to me 

and left me in the dark 

where no one can see

the missing part